Things I Want

Peace, love, harmony...

and other things.

I'd love a Fender Strat, with 3 single coils. Every guitar I've owned has had a Rosewood Fretboard, so I think I'd like to try a Maple one. Maybe. I do love Rosewood.

I'd also love some Bluetooth Headphones. I'm sick of my wires getting mangled. I bought a pair of headphones last year and the jack is already worn to the point it needs to be pushed down to play in stereo. I feel like wireless is the way to go.

That's all I want at the moment.

Day ?

So I think I'm about a week in, now.

I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I'm growing my beard with this change.

Today was a bit of a blowout. My mum's first chemo treatment, went with her, afterwards we decided to splurge on dinner. Still walk/jogged as per plan, though, so that's good.

Peace.

Day 2 done

Woop woop. 2 days in a row.

The plan for now is to do maybe 2 weeks of walking 5 days a week. Advance up to running a bit after that. No strength training yet, probably do bodyweight. Need to cancel my gym membership.

Peace out.

Day 1 Done

Yep.

Basically I'm just trying to get back into healthy habits. Tracking my food on Myfitnesspal and exercising most days of the week.

So far so good.

I've signed up for a steps thing at work. Count your steps with a pedometer. Hopefully that'll be good.

I want to feel good again.

Back on the Saddle

Casually committing to getting healthy again.

Have to get/stay healthy to help look after my mum. Also want to look and feel good again.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Oh yeah, I'm also going to grow a beard to commemorate this moment.

Boom!

Fuck Cancer

Towards the end of last year my nan was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She's quite elderly, so it wasn't much of a shock. They said it was Stage 3 cancer, but they operated, removed the cancer, put her on chemotherapy pills, and now she's in remission.

Great.

Cut to last week. After an X-ray, CT scan, biopsy and bronchoscopy, I go with my mum to a doctors appointment to discuss the results.

She has lung cancer.

The biopsy of the mass in the upper right lobe is cancerous. It has spread to other nodes in the left lobe. It has metastasised into a vertebrae, and also into one of her ribs which is what has been causing her pain.

Fuck. Cancer.

They're going to do another biopsy to determine what type of cancer it is (helping oncology determine best treatment), an MRI to determine exactly how far the cancer has spread, and an isotope bone scan to determine where to shine the radiation to help remove the pain.

There's no curing it, just treatment to slow it down and to help get rid of the pain.

Fuck.

I don't even know what to do.

Update

No one reads this blog, but I've felt compelled over the last few days to share. Share with no one in particular, about nothing in particular, but just share.

I've felt disconnected in some ways. To the world, to me, to what I want or wanted, and honestly I'm not sure why. Or, should I say, I haven't paid much attention to why.

I feel like work has taken a lot of my attention lately. And when my attention is free, it's put towards reading, trying to learn Spanish, watching television, or hanging with my partner. It's all good, but sometimes I don't know what I think or what I want out of life, I guess.

I remember I used to think a lot. Maybe thinking is no as useful as it once was.

Anyway, I just felt like sharing, and I suppose I haven't done much sharing, but it felt like something. It felt like taking the time to connect with myself for a little bit. To hear my desires, and maybe not make plans but hope to get back in touch with them sometime soon.