Pages

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Pain

My mum's been in pain since 1am. It's 3am. This is now normal.

About maybe 3 weeks ago is when the biggest change happened. It happened when my mum had forgotten what had happened that day, what had happened that hour, what had happened in the last 10 minutes. She changed at that moment when she popped her head up, and said "Ooo, thank you."

I had a discussion with my mum about 5 minutes prior about Chocolate. I gave her a large chunk from a block of chocolate. She said she couldn't eat it all, so she broke it in half, and gave half back to me. She broke it in half again and started eating it and we kept watching Zodiac. 5 minutes later, she popped her head up and said "Ooo, thank you".

I asked for what? She looked confused, she had trouble finding her words, but eventually got to the uneaten half of her chocolate. I asked her if she knew where it came from, she said no. She was still chewing the chocolate she had started eating earlier. I asked her if she remembered our discussion, she looked confused, and then said yes. I asked her what we discussed, she said we talked about chocolate. She didn't remember our conversation. She couldn't remember that earlier in the day she had been taken out for coffee by her friend whom she doesn't see very often. And that she had a fall while out for coffee.

My mum hasn't gone yet, but I already miss her.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Strained Relationships

I don't know why, I just can't be fucked putting up with bullshit any more.

If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you're in, then be in. If you say you're not trying to make it about yourself... you are.

I'm trying to make my mum's remaining time as easy and painless as possible.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Don't Know When...

it happened. I don't know if there's a single time I can pin-point. I don't even remember when things changed, they just did.

One day me and my mum looked like this:

Now it's become:

And that isn't even recent.

I don't know what I'll do without my mum, but I know the day will come when she's gone. She is, legitimately, the best person I know.