Scared

The other day my partner said she can't live with my nan.

The living situation we have is me, my partner, my mum (who has cancer) and my nan. We're in a three-bedroom house.

My nan is a difficult lady to get along with sometimes. It's her personality. She's always been stand-offish. But she means well, and she is always wanting to help. Sometimes too much, and she can be too motherly, seemingly controlling but she means it to be playful/caring. She's hard of hearing and she has the telly up really loud. We had to buy her a pair of headphones so when she's in her room watching t.v. we don't hear it downstairs over the t.v. down there.

I'm not putting my nan in a resthome. She'd be all alone and I think that would kill her more than anything. The fact that she's acutely aware she is likely going to outlive her daughter must be insane. She's super independent, gets up and down stairs with no troubles. She's no burden on anyone.

My partner told me she can't live with my nan yesterday night after work. After I had bought an engagement ring. I should have held off when she told me a month ago that she was finding it difficult living with my nan. I said she could either get over it or find somewhere else to live. She seemed to get over it, until yesterday.

Now, I don't discount her feelings. I know my nan is a difficult lady to live with. Her cleanliness is a bit of a contention as well. But she's almost 80. There's no way to change her habits, I can't change her personality, and she's family. Outside of my mum, she's the only close family I have, and the way my partner is positioning this conflict seems to be a case of her or me, OR, buy/live in a home where she only has to interact with my nan on her terms.

I've bent over backwards in past relationships to meet their needs. My mum is dying, I need my family, so this time I'm being selfish.